hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So vagazzling was a success
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
