You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
