I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
