Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
