I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
