i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
