and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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