you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
