I never want to see another naked old woman again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I lost the right to judge tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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