Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
