i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
