I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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