Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
