I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
