Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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