I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
