she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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