I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
