In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
