and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
