I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
