Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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