I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
