friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
