with your own penis?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
