ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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