ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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