So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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