You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
