1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
