Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
