I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
