I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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