Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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