He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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