The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
