I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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