Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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