Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
