I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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