Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
