Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
