I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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