eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What drink are we having for lunch?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
