mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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