I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
