i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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