Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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