They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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