I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
