i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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