i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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