Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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