Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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