; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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