it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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