I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
