yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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