I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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