Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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