Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
