a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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