I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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