Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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