distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
