so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
