it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am one with the molecules
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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