i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
