Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
where are my eyebrows?
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