I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
