this boner is exhausting
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
