D3 body, D1 cock
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
