Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
