Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

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  (818): wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom http://tfl.nu/7ros
  Replies (6) Good night (577) Bad night (2936)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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  (704): you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks http://tfl.nu/c3vj
  Replies (49) Good night (4570) Bad night (1304)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.

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  (513): I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence. http://tfl.nu/wy8q
  Replies (14) Good night (2762) Bad night (959)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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  (402): They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman" http://tfl.nu/zber
  Replies (36) Good night (3806) Bad night (923)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

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  (205): She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem. http://tfl.nu/ppj9
  Replies (27) Good night (4495) Bad night (894)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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  (918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj
  Replies (11) Good night (3665) Bad night (1058)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.

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  (304): You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib. http://tfl.nu/xjlf
  Replies (2) Good night (2532) Bad night (922)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?

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  (248): Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door? http://tfl.nu/ayiv
  Replies (4) Good night (1019) Bad night (1688)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

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  (780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz
  Replies (4) Good night (3187) Bad night (751)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out

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  (505): Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out http://tfl.nu/4j6r
  Replies (12) Good night (572) Bad night (1099)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.

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  (204): Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas. http://tfl.nu/2j0v
  Replies (9) Good night (1021) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.

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  (419): You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell. http://tfl.nu/iyko
  Replies (5) Good night (1228) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door

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  (775): He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door http://tfl.nu/vv4w
  Replies (13) Good night (617) Bad night (1891)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...

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  (360): Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys... http://tfl.nu/6y99
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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  (805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax
  Replies (5) Good night (658) Bad night (363)

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