Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.