When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I intend to get homeless drunk
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?