I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
