Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting