I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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