Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She needs sedatives and a leash
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.